I would be a great father, All I would need to do is take my kids to the zoo semi frequently and take an active role in their life and I would be the favorite dad so quickly
Of course the only way the zoo will matter to them is of it has the best zoo animal, river otters, so I would need to research the zoo in advance by looking at the map
Cincinnati
I’m calling it now, the next great American Novel will be about a fucking weirdo on a train
Oh I’m sorry your train was delayed, I guess you’ll just have to stay in your quaint cottage by the ocean in a mysterious village that has been forgotten for a century for the next couple of days, the train is bound to show up again at some point
Whenever someone insults me, I know it’s not because of any flaws of mine, but rather their own jealousy over me getting to pet a river otter
Pro tip when writing, The Audience loves unnecessary relationship melodrama and you can always squeeze a bit more of it out of the characters when you are running low on ideas
muggedmoth asked:
amtrak will u accept my hand in marriage
No, your tie is ugly, good bye
I do not fear the fae, I am always in a giant metal box called a train and the fae can’t get on because of the iron that is used to make steel.
A city girl can be found in a gay bar on Tuesday nights
“I could fix him”, I say referring to the man driving from Chicago to New York
atmosphericwrites asked:
love that you’re being quoted in some random bored panda article now—
Send me the article now!
